State of the Poker Union

Tonight we stand here in unity, side by side in our Chinatown rowhouse. The current clerks are fraternizing with esteemed alumni, while the Judges are pouring over the briefs of their recently departed proteges.  True, we know that there are rough days ahead but the eternal light and cherry blossoms are at the end of the tunnel.  There are a few more tough months of blustery, slushy beer drinking games before we arrive at our favorite post-softball poker festivities. But I know, together, we can weather the storm and push through this difficult time collectively.  [applause]
These promises I will make to you: that even in this tough economy, I will not allow you to spend more than $10 per buy-in. That even with the Health Insurance overhaul, no one will abridge your privilege to get drunk and shatter glass all over our kitchen.  [half applause]
If you want to be an amazing patriot and bring domestic light beer and doritos tonight at 8pm, please do so.  But our country needs you to RSVP either way.  I know there are a few of my fellow clerks out there on both sides of the aisle [current and alum] that are waffling about their role in our future.  But poker needs bipartisan support to continue for future generations of clerks.  As long as there are at least 10 patent lawyers with minimal social tendencies, the state of our Union is Strong.
Thank you, and God Bless America!