There is a certain inspiration that only ignites in the wee hours of the morning, after an all-night briefing marathon…
There once was a Chief Judge named Randy,
Who thought law was too boring a ride.
He moved to Japan
And started a band
But still hears cases on the side.
Max Bishop and I once shared a love.
His name was Charles Collins-Chase.
So much did we worship,
We got him a clerkship,
But couldn’t get him to come back to my place.
I once met a man named Jon Bachand;
Self-proclaimed ass of a guy.
Drank a gallon of beer in seconds flat,
For the next hour he was pleasant as pie.
Yours truly can drink a few too many.
Oh, the trouble it gets her in!
Free wine at the court
Got her out of sorts,
She fell down the Tayloe stairs in front of Judge Linn.*
Jim Lovsin is a pretty cool guy.
He once did manly things in his life.
Now he sits on his ass
And does ballroom dance class,
Whipped by his cute little wife.
Andrew Michaels is the court’s basketball star.
He makes SCOTUS clerks look like a chump.
Now I don’t mean to scold him,
But I guess no one told him,
This ain’t Duke, and white men can’t jump.
Before Sarah Craven was clerking,
Her work ethic was pretty nerdy.
But she so loved Judge Lourie,
And basked in his glory,
That now she can’t work past 4:30.
Matt Dowd thought patents were kind of a drag.
It was MSPB he enjoyed.
Now he argues in court
Like it’s some kind of sport
To keep inept postal workers employed.
Come tonight to [—–].
All are welcome to our game of poker.**
Start time is 8.
Booze would be great.
RSVP so I’m not just a joker.
*He helped me up and asked if I was ok, and then we had another drink and talked about hot sauce and the importance of eating dinner as a family. Best. Inn of Court. Ever.
** Except, of course, “the dandy and the douche.” (Dolin)