My Boyfriend Who Lives in Canada Poker

So I have a boyfriend.  I swear I do.  He just doesn’t like poker all that much (hey, nobody’s perfect).  Nor does he like Federal Circuit cocktail receptions hosted by ass-kissing law firms (who can blame him there).  Nor will he visit any establishment that permits the presence of Greg Dolin (again, totally reasonable).
As a result, Dolin is convinced that I don’t actually have a boyfriend and I just fabricated one to make myself look less pathetic.  And as it turns out, tonight will be the last poker that Dolin can attend (uninvited) for the next couple months or so.  And as it also happens, Boyfriend has an architectural proposal presentation tonight and will not be around to prove his existence.  So the rumor perpetuates, that I have a magical fictitious boyfriend who lives in Canada.  His name is Art Vandalay, and he is an architect.
But enough about me, this is really about Dolin, who is going to crawl off somewhere and hide until the police call off the search.  I guess his “I’m not a Peeping Tom, because my name is Greg” defense didn’t work.  So get in your mocking and take his money while the getting is good.  [—–], start time 8pm, please RSVP, because Dolin will undoubtedly text me at 4pm to ask who is coming, and if I don’t name names, then he will text each of you.  And you don’t want that.

Blue Jeans Poker

This week’s poker marks the 140th anniversary of the Patent Office’s issuance of a patent to Levi Strauss for his invention of blue jeans.  140 years.  For 140 years almost everyone in America, indeed the entire world, has been wearing the same pants.  Granted, they used to be made from canvas, and now they are a cotton-lycra-spandex-polyester blend (which according to Leviticus is an abomination).  They have also spawned “jorts”, “Daisy Dukes” and “jeggings,”  (which according to What Not to Wear is an abomination) but it still counts in my book.
This fun factoid made me wonder what other single product in human history has as significant a presence as blue jeans.  T-shirts, perhaps, but they have not been around nearly as long as blue jeans, and they are not worn in as many situations by as many different kinds of people.  Coke, perhaps, but the party there is split between regular and Diet and Pepsi.  Although because Coke is not reusable like jeans, the sheer production of Coke out-masses jeans many-fold.  Which led my research to this fun factoid:
A billion hours ago, human life first appeared on earth.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus Christ was born.
A billion seconds ago, my mom was born.
A billion Coca-colas ago, was yesterday morning.
Which leads me to two conclusions:  (1) a billion is a lot more than I appreciated, and (2) that is a recockulous amount of caffeine and sugar.  I mean, wow.
So anyway, let’s celebrate my adventures on by playing poker in blue jeans while drinking (rum and) coke.  We start at 8pm, address is [———], door is open, come upstairs.  I’m also interested to see if you guys can come up with any other single product that has had a greater impact on human history than blue jeans and Coke.  Maybe corn?  Soap?  But those are really multiple products, so they don’t count.  I’m talking a single finished product.