I have what can only be described as the Black Death. No mortal human wants to be anywhere near me. Under normal circumstances I would not venture out from under my covers (where I have been for the past 4 days) but tonight I have tickets to see my favorite band play in Alexandria, which was a birthday gift purchased way in advance, with no idea that Black Death would be involved. So I will drag myself shivering and wrapped in a blanket to a bluegrass concert, and then will go straight to bed, before poker even gets started.
How this affects you: (1) Poker will be hosted by someone else, if a suitable host is available and quorum RSVPs, and (2) I have made great strides in the epidemiology of Black Death and there are ways to protect yourself.
Black Death is typically spread through unwashed pint glasses at douchey Chinatown bars. You know, the kind of bars that have red velvet ropes for happy hour but don’t have any happy hour specials. Your likelihood of contracting Black Death at such an establishment is determined by the equation:
(B x D x N + S)%
Where B is how busy the bar is, D is how Douchey the bar is, N is the number of draft beers you consume, and S reflects whether a sporting event is being held at the Verizon Center during the same evening of your bar patronage. My likelihood of contracting Black Death from Iron Horse on Thursday was 290%. I should have known.
If you find yourself in a situation where your likelihood of contracting Black Death is above 50%, I highly recommend drinking bottled beer. From the bottle.