Oyez, Oyez, Oh Yay! I looked upon CNN with jubilation and joy this morning to see in the headlines “Two Historic Wins for Same-Sex Marriage.” And SCOTUS today not only broke down social barriers, it broke down party lines within the Court.
The Court first struck down DOMA 5-4: Majority by Kennedy. Dissents by Roberts, ThomaScalia, and Alito. OK, not too surprising. Then the Court found that men who don’t know how to match their belt with their shoes have no standing in Proposition 8-type disputes. Even BETTER. Once again 5-4—but this time written by Chief Justice Roberts who was joined by Scalia, Breyer, Ginsburg, and Kagan. Whaaa? These particular people cannot be allowed to join in the sacred bonds of precedent. It’s unnatural! Human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!
Ok calm down about the Justices forming non-traditional relationships, and just enjoy the happiness of all the people celebrating outside the Supreme Court. CNN has a bunch of pictures of the crowd waving their flags and holding up victory signs, and they all look so elated! So triumphant! So… cold. In fact, they are all wearing wool hats and winter coats. I’m pretty sure it’s 95° out right now. This isn’t actual coverage of what’s happening at the Supreme Court, this is just stock footage of gay people!
It’s one thing to cite Lady Gaga’s twitter account as one of your sources, but this is just unacceptable journalism. A major news source like CNN cannot post pictures purporting to be events that they are not. If you are going to just phone it in and post stock footage of gay people, at least put them in their natural habitat, behaving normally, like gentrifying transitional neighborhoods or having brunch in Dupont Circle. I call shenanigans on CNN!
Well to compensate for CNN’s pathetic coverage, we must have an extra fabulous poker tonight. Dress to impress and bring bubbly booze! [——], ring the bell, start time 8 PM, RSVP.
It is soooooo Ordered.