Despite truly abhorring it quality of its news reporting, for some reason I still read the CNN headlines every morning. This morning seemed pretty normal. People are still angry (and somehow surprised?) that a new government website doesn’t work very well. Other countries are still angry (and somehow surprised?) that our government spies on their emails. There was a terrorist attack in China, that’s actually real news, good job CNN, but wait—what is this? THERE IS A GLOBAL WINE SHORTAGE? To the extent the quality of CNN’s journalism is at all influenced by the frequency with which people click on links I wholeheartedly admit my contribution to the problem on that one.
It’s true. Apparently China’s recent and growing fondness for European wine has caused an “undersupply of nearly 300 million cases” of wine this year. Global production is at its lowest since the 1960s because of bad weather in France and Argentina. And U.S. demand is growing much faster than its own production levels. Morgan Stanley (whom CNN believes is a source for this kind of information) says the problem is only going to get worse. Since Morgan Stanley could barely recognize the imminent collapse of its own industry, I think if they say there is a problem, then there is a catastrophe.
Now is not the time for sustainability and conservation all you science-nerd Washington liberals. Now is the time for frantic indulgence! Bring a bottle of wine to poker! Everyone drinks at least one bottle of wine single-handedly. No sipping, hell—no glasses. Uncork (or unscrew, I don’t judge) and guzzle your way to [——-] at 8pm. RSVP on behalf of your wine.
And note that I didn’t tell anyone to come in costume or make this a Halloween-themed poker in any way. You can thank the journalistic integrity of CNN and all those lushes in China for eclipsing that whole concept.