ʼTis the season, my clerk family, where all of the traditions and tall tales of old come back to us in familiar melodies. Ah, Christmas carols. Those bouncing, twinkling ditties about Santa and Rudolf that warm our hearts by driving us to drink. So spike the egg-nog and mull up some wine. Let’s see what the holiday favorites channel has in store for us today…
You know Markman, and Philips, and Cybor, and Rite-Hite,
Kingsdown, and Seagate, and Lucent, and Limelight,
But do you recall—
The most famous Fed. Cir. opinion of all?
Ritchie v. Vast Resources
Had some very funny facts (it’s a dildo)
And if you ever read it (read it)
You couldn’t help but make wise cracks (IT’S A DILDO)
All of the other law clerks (super-nerds)
Laughed and called the panel names (like “lubricious”)
They never let poor Goodman (wamp, wamp)
Live down that bench memo shame (In ancient Sumeria…)
Then one Foggy Bottom day
Posner came to say (whoa, whoa, whoa)
“Thirty years of precedent?
That’s not really what you meant.”
Then all the clerks went ape-shit
And they shouted angrily,
“Ritchie v. Vast Resources
You’ll go down in infamy!” (like Baird v. Army)
Join in the holiday spirit at poker tonight, 8pm, [——-]. Bring something festive. RSVP so I know how many antler hats and red noses to haul down from the attic.