On February 2, of any other year, people have nothing better to talk about than weird residents of Pennsyltucky pretending to talk to large rodents about the weather forecast. This year, poor Phil was eclipsed by the Superbowl pre-pre-game pre-prediction-show, and no one even knew whether he saw his shadow.
My understanding is that starting around 6pm the entire nation gathered around a little hole in New Jersey manically shouting “we love America” and waiting for the Denver Broncos to come out of their hole. They finally emerged briefly in literally the last second of the third quarter, saw their hulking steroid-filled shadows, and promptly scrambled back down their holes for the remainder of the game: 6 more weeks of winter-themed pokers.
I must interject for a moment though, to emphasize that the Broncos touchdown play started with one second on the clock remaining in the third quarter, and the two point conversion happened after the clock had 0 seconds remaining from the previous play. So my use of the word “literally” in the previous paragraph was correct. It is NOT OK to use the word “literally” just for emphasis when you are actually employing figurative language. I understand that the 2013 edition of Webster’s dictionary added a secondary definition for the word “literally” that is the antonym of the first definition. That is also not ok. Webster needs to grow some balls and not just give in to shrieking tweens on twitter that don’t pay attention in English class. That is not how civilization evolves. Also, I lost a substantial sum of money on the third quarter score as a result of that last second play and the Broncos can literally go suck a dick.
But I digress. Poker. By special request, poker returns to Columbia Heights, at the lovely residence of Neal and Jen. They live at [———]. It is the brownstone next to [——]. Be there at 8pm, bring $10 and something to share with the class. Please RSVP so I know how many bags of post-game discount Doritos to bring.