I’m not the most fashionable person when it comes to the high end of business causal for work. For example, today I am wearing purple corduroy pants and a cotton blouse. And flip flops that you can’t really tell are flip flops because the pants cover them. I always have a belt and a jacket and heels in my closet I can throw on if need be, so I feel like I’m able to get presentation ready if the need arises.
Yesterday I had a meeting at which I should look presentable, but not like I’m trying too hard. I have a pair of plaid pants that are office appropriate, but pretty bold. I debated for a little whether they were meeting appropriate, and ultimately thought, sure. Someone wearing plaid pants to a meeting looks confident.
I arrive at the meeting, (all men, all partners, except me) at which there is one other person from my firm. He apparently thought my bold plaid pants choice was a good one, because he was wearing the exact same pants. Not just similar plaid pants, but the exact same pants. I was absolutely mortified. Why do I own the same pants as a 65-year-old man? How would anyone take us seriously when we looked like some sort of clown brigade? I wanted to make light of the fashion elephant in the room and say something like, “oh, I see you also shopped at the Gap in 2006…” But I just sat there in excruciating silence.
No one said anything about it. No one even seemed to notice. I started looking around for hidden cameras and preparing jokes for when people jumped out from behind the flexi-wall and said “Surprise! This is just hazing! We are making you partner early!” But it never happened. We just sat there like idiots and everyone seemed unsurprised.
So I have been thoroughly dissuaded from making any bold choices for a while, fashion or otherwise. You should take advantage of my post-traumatic stress at the poker table, where I will certainly be making no bold bets, and will probably split any pot I call.
Poker will be hosted by the Goodmans tonight, at [——–] (upstairs). Michael becomes Professor Goodman on Friday, so please come prepared with lots of difficult questions about patent law so that he can practice bullshitting. Start time 8pm. Bring booze and snacks and sage advice. RSVP so the Goodmans know how many chairs to buy. (They are dining set shopping right now.) Do not wear purple pants.