I was informed this morning that Dr. Dolin is making his triumphant return to poker tonight, and he instructed me to make an appropriate announcement in the poker email so that his fans could come prepared by bringing his favorite snacks (which I believe are Kosher crab rangoon and chocolate molded into the likenesses of prominent conservative pundits).
It has been so long since Dolin has been to a poker, or even has been mentioned in a poker email, that I believe his very existence has become a sort of Federal Circuit urban legend. I then became inspired to research other local urban legends. To the Google!
When I google “urban legends of dc,” the first hit is “bunny man.” Apparently, this is a man that dresses in a giant rabbit suit and kills people with an ax (spelled axe if you are playing scrabble or words with friends). I had never heard this urban legend, and it greatly troubles me that this is the first hit on the world’s leading search engine.
Further searching, of course, turned up several other urban legends that also trouble me, but more because I had heard of them and thought that they were true:
- The advent of “lobbying” being the lobby of the Williard hotel (it was the lobbies of the House of Commons in pre-America England),
- D.C. being built on swampland (there was a tiny seasonal marsh near Union Station, but no other wetland in the area),
- The feet position of horse statutes being code for whether the rider died in battle (there is no convention, and any apparent pattern to horses with one or two feet raised is a coincidence),
- Georgetown snobs refusing a metro stop to keep out the riff raff (the metro was designed to bring commuters from the suburbs into downtown; Georgetown never qualified for a metro stop)
- the missing J street being L’Enfant’s snub to Supreme Court Justice John Jay (the letters J and I were considered redundant in formal name-writing in the 1700’s, which makes no sense but that is what Mythbusters says).
But the Dolin urban legend is true! If you have never met Dolin, but you have heard legend of “a dandy and a douche” who goes all in on a 2-7 off-suit (i.e. “pocket Dolins”) because “he will not be bullied” so “suck it, monkey.” Then tonight is the night. It’s also a good night to show up if you are new to poker, because it is guaranteed that you won’t be the worst player at the table.
Poker location tonight will be at the Goodman house, [———-]. Start time 8pm. Buy-in is $10. Wine and beer are appreciated. RSVP or bunny man will come after you…