This past Thursday-Sunday I was camping in a giant field with 30,000 hippies for the Lockn’ music festival. It was actually a lot of fun, and I managed to go four days without an effective shower and I didn’t kill or maim anyone as a result. Note I said “effective” shower.
On my way to the Friday afternoon bluegrass jam session, I saw a kid with a cash box sitting outside a tent over the entrance of which was written “Shower World” in sharpie. “Welcome to Shower World,” he said, “$10.” Inside the tent was a row of shower heads, separated by completely ineffectual plastic curtains. But I didn’t complain. I was so dirty, I thought anything would do. I was wrong. I pulled back the curtain from my assigned shower, and immediately went back to the kid with the cash box and complained, “my shower has a poop in it.” He responded, “an actual poop, or just a smear of mud that looks like poop?” To which I replied, “actually there are three individual poops which appear to originate from the same transaction or occurrence, so I’m referring to them collectively as ‘a poop,’ but that is really beside the point. I want a shit-free shower. Now.” So he gave me the shower next to the poop shower. It had hot and cold knobs, which didn’t seem to have any effect on the temperature of the water, and which temperature can most aptly be described as “assorted.” During the first of the water hot-flashes, I dropped my soap and it skidded under the curtain and into the poop shower. So I had no use of soap for the entire four days.
Not to worry, though, I showered most thoroughly when I got home, and I have removed all traces of dirt, poop, sweat, bong resin, body paint, sunscreen, bug spray, broken glow stick chemicals, and spilled beer from my body. There is still a mountain of camping equipment in my kitchen though, so we better have poker somewhere else…
Speaking of which, it’s Neal’s birthday! Well actually not until tomorrow, so it’s his Han-non birthday tonight. Let’s celebrate by having birthday cake at his house, and taking all his money by hitting a gut-shot on the river. He loves when you do that. He lives at [————] in Columbia Heights. The poker birthday party starts at 8pm. Bring a birthday offering of gluten-free dairy-free sugar-free egg-free soy-free whatever-is-left-that-keeps-Neal-alive. RSVP so Jen knows how many gluten-free dairy-free sugar-free egg-free soy-free cupcakes to bake. They are delicious.