OK, this is absolutely the worst poker theme I have ever come up with. I deeply apologize. But I just can’t think about anything else right now. I am in a state of panic. The weather outside right now is crazy. I actually ran down the hall to my coworker and asked if Chinatown was being attacked by the black smoke monster from “Lost.” I believe the meteorological term is that it is Armageddoning. Since mini-me took my old office, I moved into an office with a big window, and now I am just staring at rain and being very concerned for squirrels. I know this is not a rational response to serious downpours and a tornado warning. There could be cars on the road getting in accidents, or my house could be is definitely leaking, but my main concern is for the squirrel population. Where do they go when it rains like this? Are they just in trees? That is not going to cut it. There is a little black squirrel that eats my tomato plants and barks at the next-door neighbor’s cat, how do I find out if he is safe? There is a pair of cardinals that lives in my mulberry tree, what happens to their family when their nest floods?
I have to go on a wildlife rescue mission. I have a towel and a hair dryer plugged into a portable car battery. I can do this. Neal and Jen will host poker in my absence. They live at [———-]. Start time 8pm. Bring beer and hip waders. RSVP.
UPDATE– since posting this, I discovered that xkcd actually ran a comic strip on this same day, with essentially the same theme, focused on where birds go when it rains. According to Randall Munroe, the question “where do birds go when it rains” is the most frequently asked question in Google (or Ask.com or something, I didn’t read the research that closely). Not only it is the question most commonly asked in English, but it is the most commonly asked question in all languages. So there is this pervasive sentiment across all humanity, uniting us in our concern for birds when it rains.
So I Googled “where do squirrels go when it rains?” Unlike the question “where do birds go when it rains” that returns hundreds of hits with fabulous in-depth articles about bird roosts and such, my question just takes you to an otherwise blank page that says “you’re an idiot.” So it seems to me that not only has Google become sentient, but it is an asshole who doesn’t care about squirrels.